Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Man bridges the Germany/Florida weirdness divide: looks quite German, but is in fact Floridian. (Lederhosen was removed prior to gator attack.)

"Once Again"

Some might recall how, years ago, Loveline radio host Adam Corolla used to play a little quiz game with listeners. They had to guess where the current "news of the weird" item came from--Germany or Florida--as no other regions in the world came close to dominating the genre. The Sunshine State's claim to all things bizarre is further validated by Drew Curtis' FARK news briefs, where "Florida" is its own category among "dumbass," "weird," "assinine" and "strange." Today's Florida headlines at FARK include:

Gov. Spitzer's bust sheds light on bigger problem: Miami's drastic shortage of high-priced call girls.

Woman in fight with city over her pet goose.

Attorneys and judge are 'stumped' where to send jailed Cuban paraplegic with nowhere to go.

Today I discovered my own outstanding story that is pure Florida absurdity to the core. The headline read: "Once again, Polk County gator-attack victim found nude in water."

Apparently, Adrian J. Apgar has a long history of getting naked with the alligators. Now I'm not one to judge, but I don't know what's with this guy and gators.

In 2006, he was discovered sometime around 3 a.m. by a man staying at one Moose Lodge, across from a lake where Apgar was being "attacked." The man called 911 and didn't seem to know quite what to do. Remember it's night, there's thick brush and cattails and mud. The man hears Apgar's screams: "Help! He's got me! The gator's got me!" The gator has Apgar's arm and won't let go. Subsequently, Apgar will suffer one broken arm, one partially-amputated arm, and a mighty bite on the rear. Also, Apgar is on crack cocaine. Listen to the 911 call here.

So this time around, Apgar was found in a pond. Again, naked, and again, in the ferocious clutches of a merciless alligator. This time, he tested positive for marijuana and methamphetamines.

Local Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel:

"He's not just a menace to society, he's a menace to himself...He's past being comical; he has real issues."

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