How was King Tut, Hil? How'd he get so funky? Did he do the monkey?

Also: Was he buried with a donkey, and was he your favorite honkey?

The much-awaited release of Clinton's public schedule while in the White House finally came out today. It seems, much to the contrary of Mrs.Clinton's claims that she was a key negotiator in the '98 Good Friday agreements, she was tied up that day--instead opting to speak at a National Press Club event to honor a Congressperson who had died. Also in '98, the Clintons were in Martha's Vineyard as 'ole Bill announced a missle strike against what were believed to be terrorist sites in Afghanistan and Sudan. The next day, Bill felt the need to cut the vaca short and head back to D.C. Hillary, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered. (Doesn't she look slick in the Wayfarers? Yeah I'd be tempted to hang in the 'Vin too if I was first lady and had such a rockin' style.)

And as NATO launched an air strike at Serbia to punish Slobodan Milosevic for his brutality against Albanian seperatists, Hillary was busy in Egypt visiting King Tut, who was born in Babylonia, and lived in a condo made of stone-a.

*postscript: I got the info on Hillary's public schedule not from any American news source, but from the Guardian. Because our national media is just that lame.