Friday, July 27, 2007

C'MON BAN KI-MOON, TALK ABOUT GAY PEOPLE!

This video, taken at the World Affairs Council at the Fairmont Hotel here in the city by the bay just the other night (side note:San Francisco is also the site of the very first UN conference in '45), made me side split it did. Not only did I LOL, but boy did I ever ROTFL (roll on the floor laughing, for those of you not familiar with the hip new lingo). Activists Michael Petrelis and Hank Wilson, yelling at the top of their lungs and totally drowning out UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, shout "WE CAME HERE TO TALK ABOUT GAY PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD! TALK ABOUT GAAAAY PEE-POOOLE!"



I had a flashback to my super-serious student reporter days, when I attended a city council discussion to pass a resolution to bring back the troops or impeach the president, one of the two. Regardless of the topic at hand, a librarian-esque withering lady with frail features and wiry gray hair slowly made her way up to the podium and announced to a flood of patchouli-infused activists and crusty professor-looking city councilmembers, "There's all this talk about the war and the human devastation in Iraq...but what about all the flora and fauna? What about all the wildlife and trees that are being damaged or outright destroyed out there?"

Instantly I equated the absurdity of the local Santa Cruz political scene to what appeared to be another bit of the absurd at the UN meeting. But these chants, as humorous as they sound when one perceives them to be out of context, don't seem so LOL funny when one considers the UN's relationship with the LGBT community.

As of one week ago, the UN had not given any LGBT or sexual minority group consultative status, which is the only way that a non-governmental organization (NGO) can be legitimately recognized, consequently then able to participate in UN meetings, submit written statements, host panels, and gain access to UN buildings. In January of 2006, two of the largest LGBT NGOs were summarily denied status without appropriate consideration or review.

But just last week, United Nations Economic and Social Council (ECOSOC) delegates finally allowed the Coalition gaie et lesbienne du Qu├ębec and the Swedish Federation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights (RFSL) consultative status.

Why should the UN become involved in gay rights around the world? Because if no one in this country, or in any of the other western industrialized member states like the French Republic or the United Kingdom, will set an agenda acknowledging the persecution of sexual minorities as an obvious and base obstruction of human rights, the atrocities inflicted upon LGBT communities will go on, and all the pie-in-the-sky ideals about maintaining social progress, human dignity and the like will be lost in the UN.

From a Human Rights Watch article, on its site, in 2006:

As the U.S. government acknowledged in its 2004 country report on Iran, Iranian law punishes homosexual conduct between men with the death penalty. Human Rights Watch has documented four cases of arrests, flogging, or execution of gay men in Iran since 2003. In its 2004 country report on Zimbabwe, the U.S. government noted President Robert Mugabe’s public denouncement of homosexuals, blaming them for “Africa's ills.” In the past, Mugabe has called gays and lesbians “people without rights” and “worse than dogs and pigs.”

Hank Wilson, one of the protesters heckling K-Moon, said,"The United Nations never fails to speak out against injustice and human rights violations as they happen, but they are criminally silent when it comes to the murders of lesbians and gay men."

I salute Petrelis and Wilson. As San Francisco Bay Area residents and members of the LGBT community, their brand of political activism and expression is not limited to prancing around in a leather daddy parade in a vile attempt to create a public sex spectacle that only stigmatizes their community even more.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

FEELING CHECK #2: Today...nausea

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This is my sad, sad lunch.

Feeling check: today I am feeling extremely disappointed with my Trader Joe lunch. Wanting to save some serious cash, combined with the fact that I get really bored with the usual financial district chain food trash, compels me to buy whatever Trader Joe preprepared lunches I can get my mitts on. Sometimes they're supergood: may I recommend the Southwestern Salad? It's crisp iceberg lettuce is topped with sweet yellow corn, hearty black beans, crispy red peppers and queso fresco. The dressing is orange and not so hot, but if used in moderation is slightly more than edible. Or there is the instant Pad Thai, which comes in a nifty Chinese takeout box and contains two plastic pouches--one with noodles and one with sauce. Just open them and microwave for two minutes: you will transported to Bangkok in no time! (Figuratively--jeesh, if Trader Joe's had that kind of power, I would not be eating their food in my cubie.)

But today's lunch was a downright travesity of Mexican food. I thought a five-cheese green chile quesadilla would be hard to fuck up. I was wrong, so so wrong.

I shall now leave you with these lyrics from a song written by the mentally retarded actor who played Corky on "Life Goes On":

Eating is fun, eating is serious
Eat too much, you might get delirious
Don't eat enough, you might disapperious
Eating is so, so serious

(Courtesy of J.Wolf)

Thursday, July 19, 2007

WHERE THE KISSES ARE HERS AND HERS AND HERS AND HIS

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Originally there was a redhead in this photo, but Neilsen viewers did not like her.

Today, while on the serious prowl for a room to rent, I happened upon this little gem of an ad, it really inspired me to reply. But instead of showing up at this guy's home with a red wig, pepper spray and steel-toed shoes (for pantal area kickings), I decided to respond back with my own ad. I am hoping he responds to my ad, and believes he's found an answer to all his prayers...

His Craigslist ad:


$1000 Looking for red-headed female roommate (cole valley / ashbury hts)

Reply to: hous-377156851@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-18, 9:55PM PDT

Yes, I know that this may sound very wierd, but I would highly prefer a red-headed female roommate to move in August.

I am 32 year old male, and live with 25 year old female. She always has her brunette cousin over, so I wanted to fulfill my high school dream (and brag to all my guy friends) of having a hot blonde, brunette, and red-headed roommate. Oh yeah, you have to be somewhat attractive.

The place is great. Very spacious. Details:
-2 Living rooms/bar area/fire place (All windows- lots of natural light!)
-FREE WASHER/DRYER in the garage!! This place is awesome!!
-Yard Access/great for BBQ.

If you are not redheaded but willing to either dye your hair or at the very least wear a wig from time to time, we can talk. Good luck in your search.

My ad:

$1100 Red-headed female seeks male housemate and brunette female housemate (cole valley / ashbury hts)
Reply to: hous-377542287@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-19, 12:07PM PDT

THIS IS NOT A JOKE! ONLY SERIOUS RESPONSES PLEASE!

So I'm looking for a great room with all the emminities, a wet bar and jacuzzi is a definate +++!

My friends think I'm crazy, but I've always had this high school fantasy of living in the big city (I'm fresh off the farm from Missoula, Montana) with a really cool guy and two hot girls--a blond and a brunette. Kind of like "Three's Company" --if it was on late night Cinemax if you know what I mean!

If you don't know what I mean, (I'm sorry but I'm a little nervous and even prudish in real life--this is a totally impulsive thing for me to be posting), I want to fulfill the desires of one very lucky San Francisco man.

More about me: I like to watch the sea lions on the wharf with a brown-bagged mini bottle of tequila, and LOVE taking the time to stroll around North Beach and grab a fine pasta or egg roll. I also LOVE musical theter and saw Legally Blonde, like, five times. Right now I'm cocktail waitressing some nights and teaching Pilates during the day. I don't like to brag, but I used to do calendar modeling, and almost won Miss Tropicana Hotel Las Vegas a few years back. I love fitness!

If you think we could be a good fit, please let me know! I really like Cole Valley and tons of other places around Haight St, but am open to other suggestions...email me!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

BUMMER OF LOVE

Over the weekend I came across an insightful Summer of Love retrospective article in the Guardian Monthly, published in the UK in June but arriving at my local bookshop a few days ago. Having read a piece in the SF Chronicle a few months back, with its micro-interviews with top "movers and shakers" of the era that offered, at best, a scant contextual account of the movement, I was relieved to find that someone had written something decent to mark the 40th Anniversary of the Summer of Love.

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The Guardian didn't paint a rosy picture of some kind of a cultural renaissance spurred by mad visionaries hellbent on starting a revolution, one acid tab at a time, but instead gave a thought-provoking account of its social relevance--and lack thereof--without sounding prescriptive and preachy. The amazing interviews featured here consisted of talks with Country Joe McDonald ("And it's 1-2-3, what are we fighting for?"); Stanley Mouse, whose Greatful Dead illustrations of skulls and roses will forever be associated with hippie culture; Steppenwolf frontman John Kay; and--most notably--Barry Melton, the "Fish" from Country Joe and the Fish. Melton was NEVER interviewed by the flurry of local press given to the 40th anniversary of the Summer of Love. Too bad, because I thought his quotes went above and beyond what anyone else had to say in terms of grasping some sort of perspective of the counterculture. Oh, plus, he's like, one of the very few people with some social relevance in the modern day city of San Francisco, as Melton is now a Chief Public Defender for Yolo County, as well as President of the California Association of Public Defenders.

As such, Melton says:

I like all these goths and kids with tattoos, bandanas and dreadlocks. Ninety per cent of the kids who dress like that are not in gangs, it's just a 'Fuck you' thing--like us having long hair was a 'Fuck you' thing, and what I do now is a 'Fuck you' thing.


Sam Andrew, guitarist for Janis Joplin's Big Brother and the Holding Company, gave the best quotes, summing up the darker side of the entire movement in one fell swoop:

There was the Monterey Pop festival in June, and all the kids came up to fill the Haight. With them, the vultures moved in. What we had done was commercialized. People moved in who wanted to make a buck out of it all, especially the drugs. Hard drugs arrived - speed, meth, cocaine, heroin. The drugs became tiring and boring. And free love? Women were raped - it became a perversion of what it had been before.

The SF Chron said:

The Summer of Love resonates in strip mall yoga classes, pop music, visual art, fashion, attitudes toward drugs, the personal computer revolution, and the current mad dash toward the greening of America.

Wow. Strip mall yoga classes. Thank god for the hippies and their brazen ideologies! Once again, the San Francisco local press really shines through, offering top-notch cultural analysis.

It seems that just last week, even Mayor McDreamy jumped on the nostalgia bandwagon, proclaiming that September 2 will be "Summer of Love 40th Anniversary Day." A free concert will be held in Golden Gate Park to celebrate the day, featuring too many beats and hippie peeps to mention. Go here. Maybe you can catch yourself a good old fashioned rapin'.

Friday, July 06, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR PRESIDENT

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Why don't you give yourself the gift of human decency and self-respect and drop off the face of the planet already? As you celebrate your birthday, never for one second doubt that a good portion of the world's population will be praying for your deathday.

NOT ME, OF COURSE, I EMPHATICALLY LOVE MY PRESIDENT AND MY GOVERNMENT. I WISH MY CAPS LOCK MADE MY WORDS EVEN BIGGER SO THAT I COULD STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
UPDATE ON WIKIPEDIA ENTRY

Having not monitored the whereabouts of my Wikipedia entry entitled, "hang loose Hawaii", I was alerted from others that it had been taken down within hours. This should come as no surprise, Wiki admin are quickly turning into the Gestapo of grammar and objectivity. Well, at least for a disenfranchised coalition of incredibly geeked-out editing obsessives who will spend hundreds upon thousands of hours of their lives managing information just for the hell of it. According to a recent NYT article, "A great many entries are deemed unworthy even of Wikipedia's catholic attention and are deleted within days, hours or even minutes." Dudes need to chill, they need to just hang loose Hawaii and go back to playing Pokemon and hitting bedtime when their moms tell them to.

In retrospect I am a little upset, however, since I have actually created an entry in the past while doing some crafty work for a PR company, and that entry was totally meant to make a cosmetic company look good. It's still up.Guess who our client was. It's so obviously meant for marketing purposes that I can't believe it's been up for almost four months now.

For those who didn't get a chance to find the true definition of "hang loose Hawaii", I'll try to summarize it for you here:

"Hang Loose Hawaii is a slang term popularized in the early part of the 21st century among west coast American youth, commonly used to express a strong desire to be chill and stay mellow in a war-torn world ravaged by the threat of imminent, global terrorism."

Then I went on to describe how to make the hang loose sign with your hand by extending the thumb and pinkie finger. I also made note that the dyslexic and mentally retarded may have a difficult time with this gesture, so it is suggested that they extend their index and pinkie instead. I followed that passage with the following picture:

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I then described the Hawaiian roots of the term by sourcing the "Aloha Insider"--just so my game seemed legit. To conclude, I gave prime examples of how one could use the term in casual conversation, which is as follows:

A: "Dude, my little sister just got critically wounded with a taser gun by the campus police, and the Marxism lecturer just got shot down at the anti-war demonstration, wanna go join the rioters ouside?"

B: "No bro, American Idol's on, I think I'm just hang loose Hawaii and stay in tonight. That Simon Cowell is so funny, what a douchebag."


OR

A: "Yo! What's up bro? Wanna get all agro tonight and drop some
acid at the video arcade?"


B:"No sorry I'm not down with the hard stuff, tonight I think I'm
just gonna hang loose Hawaii."


A: "Yeah I hear ya."


But good news! I just Googled "hang loose Hawaii" and found my entry! It is Number 4 in the listings, right under a website for "Gay Vacations". Try clicking on it! Now! If Google is the Billboard Charts for information, my entry still reigns supreme. And I'm still waiting to hear back from the Urban Dictionary, so who knows, I may singlehandedly reshape American slang terminology as we know it with this one.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

LEXICON BLITZKRIEG!
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Today, I've decided I'm going to make a fine contribution to society as a productive member (of said society) by offering a new addition to Wikipedia, as well as the Urban Dictionary. Unfortunately the UD does not publish right away, but here is my Wikipedia entry, check it out before they take it down for my photo's copyright violations.