Saturday, September 27, 2008

The Best of Sarah Palin Criticisms: A Cathartic Post

I just need to get all my Sarah Palin anger out and move on to the more positive things in life. I need to think of all the intelligent women out there and let go--surely these debates and the onslaught of disgust on part of the media and the general public will attribute to this pig's ultimate downfall. (Yes I unapologetically will refer to this swine as none other than what she is). I decided to unleash my Sarah Palin bests. So here's my list, here goes:

1. Best Palin quote that summarizes my feelings on Mrs. Palin thus far comes from Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone:

The truly disgusting thing about Sarah Palin isn’t that she’s totally unqualified, or a religious zealot, or married to a secessionist, or unable to educate her own daughter about sex, or a fake conservative who raised taxes and porked up earmark millions every chance she got. No, the most disgusting thing about her is what she says about us: That you can ram us in the ass for eight solid years, and we’ll not only thank you for your trouble, we’ll sign you up for eight more years, if only you promise to stroke us in the right spot for few hours around election time.

2. Best quote from a Katie Couric interview:

Katie Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious: what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?

Sarah Palin: I've read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.

KC: But, like, what ones specifically? I'm curious.

SP: All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years.

KC: Can you name a few?

SP: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news too. Alaska isn't a foreign country, where, it's kind of suggested and it seems like, 'Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C. may be thinking and doing when you live up there in Alaska?' Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.

3. Best Sarah Palin video:

4. Best Palin rumors (that I made up myself and have been trying to spread all over the internets):

Sarah Palin brushes her teeth with whale sperm.
Sarah Palin had "The Tao of Pooh" banned because she does not like potty humor.
Sarah Palin found out about the VP position through McCain's Craigslist ad.
Sarah Palin was raised by seals in a cave. When she came of age, she clubbed her mother to death and feasted upon her flesh.
Sarah Palin not only charges rape victims for forensic examinations, she charges forensic examiners a special fee for investigating rape cases, then she rapes the forensic examiners.
Sarah Palin doesn't like the Crypts, because they take all the Bloods out (Sarah Palin is like Dracula, get it? A blood drinker!)
Sarah Palin likes to read the cliff notes of the Left Behind series on the toilet.
Sarah Palin once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Sarah Palin won "Miss Congealiality" at an Alaskan beauty pageant for her frozen jello pops.
Sarah Palin had a lung transplant from a moose because the best surgeons in Alaska are veternarians.
Sarah Palin gave me syphilis.
Sarah Palin showed up to the try-outs for the full length feature film, Flashdance, in a trench coat and nothing else and all the casting agents projectile vomited at the sight of her.
Sarah Palin has a tattoo of Charlton Heston on her ass.
Sarah Palin likes to shoot-up batmizfahs at random.

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