Wednesday, June 25, 2008

When You Eat You're Just A Vacuum with Nipples

In 1987, a soap opera diva from The Young and the Restless, Brenda Dickson, decided to make a series of videos teaching ladies of leisure about fashion and exercise entitled, "Welcome to My Home." This woman wrote, directed and starred in this unintentionally camp series--a series which would spawn scores of parodies that remain truly brilliant to this day.

But seriously, I feel safe in saying that I know soooo much more about fashion and style after viewing Brenda's original video, and I think you will too. For instance, a cocktail dress made of beads and sequins is "a good look." Wearing a hat or your hair to the side can really "accentuate" an outfit, and accessories can work wonders for a pantsuit (Brenda: "It's just a pantsuit!"), you can "dress up a look by using a dressy accessory" (a fox draped over the shoulder is "very dramatic"). But, most importantly, Brenda says, "Style is as important in your life as your look."

I recently discovered Brenda's blog. Wow. Here she is able to interact with her fans, talk about herself, and of course show pics of herself to prove what a hot piece of ass she still is. The follow is some advice she gave to a fan who was contemplating suicide, written just last month:

One of my fans has written a suicidal help note!!! That's an urgent matter. I do happen to have some good advice (this advice can be used by all my fans).It will work if you do it, and, you must promise to try. Ready? First stop by your nearest GNC Store, buy a box of vitamins, the kind they sell in packets. So, it is many in a cellophane wrap. Also get the right one for your age and gender. Pick up capsules of calcium/magnesium in capsule form (not hard pill form, capsule form), take the vitamins daily, 1500 IU of Calcium/Magnesium nightly and I want you to join a gym if you can afford it (check with you doctor first to see if it is O.K.). Get a trainer for one day to show you the ropes of how to use the equipment. You must do 30 minutes three days a week or more. If you are out of shape, you may have to build up to it by stair master, bike or walker. By using the stair master, bike or walker, combined with the weights, your endorphins will kick in, you'll be smiling even at the worst problem. If you can't afford a gym, go outside, take a 30 minute walk and some running. You can buy videos on weight lifting or aerobics. Do that too, especially if you can't afford a gym. Buy a video. Step class or some movement of the entire body called Aerobics. If you do this 30 minutes three days a week, you'll stay steady and happy. No drug or alcohol for awhile. Start feeling good again! It will work if you do it! Take the Calcium/Magnesium at night before bed. It will clam you. This is good for all my fans.

Thank you, Brenda. You are a savior to us all.


Tessa said...

omg. OMG.

amityb said...

I just re-read her blog post and at the end she says, "it will clam you" I want to be clammed. I want to be clammed by Brenda Dickson.

Oh and I didn't even mention the post after that. Something a bout not being in contempt of court during her divorce proceedings. Highly entertaining.

Dabeestuff, LLC said...

Wow...we just had a fashion show at my house like that. Only we were pulling things off the floor and putting them in donation piles. Oh golly geez, guess I could learn so much from Brenda.