Kirk Read

A Night of Queer Arts

The other night me and Sarah V decided to see a play written by our extremely lovely and talented playwright friend, James W, at the Harvey Milk Center as part of the National Queer Arts Festival. Alongside a scene from James' play were several other spoken word pieces and very imaginative miscellaneous works of performance art.

The grand finale featured performance artist Kirk Read. I really feel the need to recount the night's events as they happened after Kirk took to the stage, because I feel that if I do not, I will look back at that night several months from now and think, "Yeah right Amity, that didn't really happen, remember you had some strong cocktails that night and a wild imagination..."

So here is what I can recall, and Sarah V may want to correct me on some of it, but:

1. Kirk stands upon a treasure chest on stage before a projection screen that is displaying aerial views of burning buildings. He stares blankly towards an imaginary horizon and launches into a literal litany of items modern society is doing away with:

"Goodbye radio DJs and cursive and America Online...let us pray!" or, "Goodbye telephone booths and paper maps and photo booths....let us pray!" or, "Goodbye to the mighty penny and the nickel which cost more to make than their worth...let us pray!"

2. Kirk puts on a tune:



3. Kirk begins to take his white suit off, proceeds with his shirt and pants subsequently standing before the audience with his penis hanging about.

4. He is lip-syncing with a look of dogged determination the entire time. Kirk takes a glass mixing bowl and urinates into it. He then taxes a box of cake mix and pours it into the bowl, stirs as vigorously as is humanly possible, and sings with an even more intense look of determination.

5. Kirk takes the bible. He rips pages out while lip-syncing and then dips them in the batter. He then sticks the pages to his naked body.

The End.

(I will never listen to that song the same way again).