Sunday, April 13, 2008

Bret Michaels Do-Rags, decoded?

So tonight me and some housemates finally found out who Poison front man Bret Michaels chose to be his "Rock of Love" on the VH1 show of the same name. It was intense, and as Michaels put it: "I'm not here to find my rock of like, or rock of lust, I need to find my rock of love." He also was fond of ending his on-air "dates" with, "Now let's go have hot monkey sex."

From the 15+ silicone-lovin,' fishy-lipped, and tatted up groupie ladies Michaels had to choose from, last night it all boiled down to two lucky contenders: Ambre (pronounced "Amber") and Daisy, like the flower/stripper name. But what was more dizzying than the whirlwind romancing of dozens of these fine ladies was the obscene number of do-rags Michaels sported. Me and Jon W., through a very meticulous, scientific tallying system, narrowed it down to about half a dozen power do-rags that seemed to help him harness his hoe-weeding skills (ooh lookout--double pun!) to their full potential. Although we did have some disagreements as to which were truly the most stylish and brought out his eyes (I liked the paisley), I do believe we were in agreement about the basic black/charcoal number--it was worn during every power decision of elimination, and thus had to somehow hold a secret laser beam inside. We took notes on this handy paper plate:
(Note: Jon spelled do-rag "dewrag." Not me.)

Oh, and Ambre won. I'm glad I didn't make any bets with anyone, because I would've gone with Daisy the stripper. In washed up rocker reality/dating shows, you always bet on the stripper.


Sean Wraight said...

Amith, Amith, Amith,

If only Mr. Michaels would use the power of the ‘rag’ for good rather than evil gain… Imagine unfurling “paisley” to send a timely message from bridges to protest oppressive governments or “fluorescent lime” the ideal remonstration of all forms of nuclear proliferation. Couple the powerful ‘do-rag’ of Leif Garrett and surely world peace would not be far off.

They don’t call it a ‘don’t-rag now do they?

Stan Wrought

amityb said...

Yo Stan.

I think you are definitely on to something here. I shall start a petition so that our next commander-in-chief will wear only the finest Michaels head wear. Then we'll have the Dalai Lama bless the do-rags in the hopes that they may be used for good, not evil.