SQUIRREL EAT SQUIRREL WORLD
Yesterday night I was watching some Irish news show on PBS and the serious-as-a-heart-attack delivery given by the news correspondent made me LOLAMESAL (those not hip to the new lingo, "Laugh Out Loud and Maybe Even Snort A Little). I mean, she was talking about the future of red squirrels as if they were part of the African diaspora. "Skwoo-rools," she said. "Skwoo-rools".
So from what I gather, the British Red Squirrel (Sciurus vulgaris) is on the brink of becoming an endagered species, in part due to the wiley ways of the tyrannical American Grey Squirrel (Sciurus carolinensis) on British soil. Apparently the fatter, cuddlier greys have built antibodies to squirrelpox, which has destroyed large populations of the wiry, less-adaptable reds.
Also, according to the BBC:"Grey squirrels seriously threaten woodland management through damage to trees and woodlands and by squeezing out red squirrels and possibly other wildlife like woodland birds."
I say balderdash! Maybe it's their manifest destiny! Like the American settlers, the American squirrels must prosper I say.
There are actually powerful lobbying groups seeking to destroy our poor little bushy-tailed friends: groups like the European Squirrel Initiative and the Save our Squirrels project are actively pushing for grey squirrel genocide.
(This handsome little guy is proud to be an American.)
It's all well and good to want to save the red squirrels; I'm sure they're cute little buggers too, they are squirrels after all. But I think the Limeys are taking things a little too far this time, they are actually serving our poor little squirrels, our innocents living abroad, Peking Duck style! They are actually eating our squirrels in pubs across Northern England.
One wannabe squirrel-eater said:
"I haven't tried grey squirrel but people I know who have say it tastes like chicken used to taste when it tasted like chicken."
Another claimed:"The Americans have numerous recipes for grey squirrel, with the most popular being Brunswick Stew, which is casseroled squirrel."
Again, if I may: Wha? Wtf?
So they're not just culling the hell out of our squirrels, they're acquiring a taste for them!
I just don't understand why people are jumping on the red squirrel bandwagon, why are these squirrels deemed more important, or more native, than the greys that have, I'm sure, legally migrated there and maintain active civic roles in their respective squirrel communities? I did find one campaign sticking up for our squirrels, "Professor Acorn," so at least there's one group, or professor, that cares.
OK, I'm going to post a picture of a red now, but don't be blinded by the cuteness...
Oh crap, this little guy is seriously adorable. OMG with that little hazelnut in its mouth...the greys are pretty fat and juicy-looking in comparison...I wonder where I can find the recipe for that casserole.
*(Greg Dworkin, inventor of the APR series, is on vacation.)* *Alexandra Petri* at *The Washington Post* writes—*Sean Spicer is free!* The enchantment is...
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