SQUIRREL EAT SQUIRREL WORLD

Yesterday night I was watching some Irish news show on PBS and the serious-as-a-heart-attack delivery given by the news correspondent made me LOLAMESAL (those not hip to the new lingo, "Laugh Out Loud and Maybe Even Snort A Little). I mean, she was talking about the future of red squirrels as if they were part of the African diaspora. "Skwoo-rools," she said. "Skwoo-rools".

So from what I gather, the British Red Squirrel (Sciurus vulgaris) is on the brink of becoming an endagered species, in part due to the wiley ways of the tyrannical American Grey Squirrel (Sciurus carolinensis) on British soil. Apparently the fatter, cuddlier greys have built antibodies to squirrelpox, which has destroyed large populations of the wiry, less-adaptable reds.

Also, according to the BBC:"Grey squirrels seriously threaten woodland management through damage to trees and woodlands and by squeezing out red squirrels and possibly other wildlife like woodland birds."

I say balderdash! Maybe it's their manifest destiny! Like the American settlers, the American squirrels must prosper I say.

There are actually powerful lobbying groups seeking to destroy our poor little bushy-tailed friends: groups like the European Squirrel Initiative and the Save our Squirrels project are actively pushing for grey squirrel genocide.


(This handsome little guy is proud to be an American.)


It's all well and good to want to save the red squirrels; I'm sure they're cute little buggers too, they are squirrels after all. But I think the Limeys are taking things a little too far this time, they are actually serving our poor little squirrels, our innocents living abroad, Peking Duck style! They are actually eating our squirrels in pubs across Northern England.

One wannabe squirrel-eater said:
"I haven't tried grey squirrel but people I know who have say it tastes like chicken used to taste when it tasted like chicken."

Wha?

Another claimed:"The Americans have numerous recipes for grey squirrel, with the most popular being Brunswick Stew, which is casseroled squirrel."

Again, if I may: Wha? Wtf?

So they're not just culling the hell out of our squirrels, they're acquiring a taste for them!

I just don't understand why people are jumping on the red squirrel bandwagon, why are these squirrels deemed more important, or more native, than the greys that have, I'm sure, legally migrated there and maintain active civic roles in their respective squirrel communities? I did find one campaign sticking up for our squirrels, "Professor Acorn," so at least there's one group, or professor, that cares.

OK, I'm going to post a picture of a red now, but don't be blinded by the cuteness...


Oh crap, this little guy is seriously adorable. OMG with that little hazelnut in its mouth...the greys are pretty fat and juicy-looking in comparison...I wonder where I can find the recipe for that casserole.

ME IN COMIC BOOK FORM

I heart Tessa's comics, I heart them longtime:

Tessa's Braces: I miss nature

WTF SAJAK, WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I'm dying here. Tell me what font you use, you smug sonofabitch!

DEEP THOUGHTS

"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion, or the tiger, or even the elephant. It's a shark, riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see." --Jack Handey
Electronic drawering by me.

ANOTHER GREAT HOUSING SITUATION IN THE CITY BY THE BAY

This is what I deal with on my daily quest for housing. Bullshit like this, I actually have to consider bullshit like this if I want to find a new roof over my head:

$1250 Web Ninja+Hacker chaos-seekers seek third (mission district)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: hous-449337354@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-14, 10:39PM PDT


We're 24 and 26 year old straight male cosmic anarchists with an open bedroom in a 3 bedroom 2nd floor Victorian mission flat with lots of common space.

We're zero drama, very low bullshit, maximally easy-going, and non-territorial. We're from the Internets and we build the Internets. We love haxxing code, mad chaos and random adventure.

Ideal roommate would be a crazy easygoing male or female with a good sense of humor. A plus if you like to light shit on fire on occasion.


$1250 rent, hollatchaboy

SPEAKING TRUTHINESS TO POWER: REVISITED


This morning I watched Stephen Colbert on Larry King Live, pitching away for his new book, "I Am America (And So Can You)." Of the many good points made, one which stuck with me was when Colbert said that school children should be memorizing his White House Correspondents Dinner speech he made last year (video here), not the Gettysburg Address.

In a way, I would have to agree. There is so much anger and insight within his words if you read between the lines--just brilliant. And his commentary about the media and the war and...well, here's one of my favorite excerpts:

I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.

Read the whole thing yourself here.

POP QUIZ: THE FOLLOWING IS A PRESS RELEASE FROM A CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE...OR IS IT?

Bipartisanship on SCHIP!

Republican Senate hopeful Montgomery Burns today joined with Mayor Joe Quimby, D-Springfield, to support the Senate’s gazillion-dollar SCHIP bill.

“If the poor children can get a piece of the action, why can’t I?” explained Burns at a MoveOn.org rally in Capital City. “The little darlings are needy? Me, too. I need somebody to pay. Quimby here says he knows a bunch of low-income nobodies who are ripe for the picking. Excellent.”

“You need this?” wondered the mayor. “Well, why not. I’ve got needs, too. Why, I’ve got 27 paternity suits pending and to quote the Speaker, ‘suffer the little children.’ The Quimby Compound is overflowing with those little sufferers. Vote Quimby.”

Inexplicably, the mayor then leaned toward a comely MoveOn organizer and whispered in her ear, “Ah, if anyone asks, you’re my niece from out of town and you don’t get SCHIP.”

“But Uncle Joe, I am your niece from out of town, and I do get SCHIP.”

“Good Lord, I’m a monster!” exclaimed the mayor.

Mr. Burns shrugged and pressed on with a stirring call to arms: “Truth and fairness, these are the demons we must slay if we wish to save the tykes.”

His patience was tested when a ruckus arose from a restive crowd of backdrop-toddlers who’d been rented by MoveOn for the photo-op. “Get these props away from me,” Burns hissed.

“Kids? Who needs ‘em? Rahm, release the hounds!” added Quimby with a spreading grin. “Ha, I’ve always wanted to say that, Burns.”

The 37 rental children fled and were not seen again, but the arf-arf-arfing of their pursuers could be heard well past sunset.

Find the source for this crackpot SCHIP non sequitur here.

IN MEMORY OF ENRICO


Last night I shared a beer with a man who lives in North Beach and we discovered that we had more than a lot to talk about. He was a bit older, a lawyer, and had lived in the city for quite some time. I was drinking a beer inspired by the comedian Lenny Bruce, and this guy, Bobby, told me a story about how Bruce, tripped up on smack or something, threw himself out the window of a two-story hotel off Columbus Ave because he saw his friend walking down the street. When his friend, horrified, asked him what on Earth he was doing, Bruce replied, "I really needed to talk to you, and this seemed like a good short cut."

But then, speaking about North Beach and SF history, Bobby broke the news to me: Enrico Banducci, the "King of North Beach" had passed away the day before at age 85.

Enrico was a San Francisco icon. And for the West Coast bohemian/beatnik scene, a legend. I had the honor and privilege of working as a bartender at his 50-something year-old restaurant, Enrico's, when I first moved to San Francisco a year ago. I met him briefly and only once, while he was being filmed for a documentary. While we didn't exactly engage in conversation, my impression of him was that he was one of the those people, not unlike the Dalai Lama, that exuded vivacity, teamed with innocence and joy. He had a smile a mile long, and was wearing that silly little black beret that he is known for. I loved him immediately.

But Banducci wasn't, as I initially assumed, simply known for his restaurant that once served as a major social scene for San Francisco glitterati and eccentrics alike--he established the hungry i. The hungry i was a nightclub that, under Enrico's conception and direction, launched the careers of the stage-frightened young comedian Woody Allen and a feisty 19 year-old named Barbara Streisand.

Visting North Beach now, it's nearly impossible to imagine the glory that it once was. Today it is reduced to a red light district of flashy strip joints and street walkers, with Little Italy tourists pouring in to experience fading remnants of a the beats and of west coast jazz clubs. While Enrico Banducci will never revisit his restaurant, or Tosca, or City Lights again, one can only hope that his legacy will not be forgotten.

Here are some touching comments from the San Francisco Chronicle's article about him:

--In 1966 I was very young sailor new to the city. Looking for something to entertain myself I bought a ticket to see Woody Allen perform at the Hungary i. Couldn't ask for a better introduction to San Francisco. Thanks Enrico.

--I was so lucky to know him - the sparkle in his eyes never faded - he was always charming and kind and funny - I will miss him forever

--Damn, another one gone. All the Chartreuse that I drank at Enrico's would float a washing machine. Anybody remember the time Bob Dylan got kicked out of Tosca? I was the one that pushed him out the door with my foot for the bartender. Enrico's was a singular moment at the end of the heyday of our empire. No one under 50 will ever nor can they ever know of what the old city was made.

GOOD COP, BABY COP

More of the funny at the expense of a child made unawares. This is the second video on the funny or die website done by Will Ferrell, whose toddler co-star, Pearl, completely steals the show.

Pearl: "I break bones and laugh."

Ferrell: "I don't know who blackened your soul a long time ago, but may God have mercy on it."